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Discussion in 'The Courtyard Café' started by yinyang, Jul 24, 2012.
Most people on social media (including this forum?). Bravado but toothless?
Ravages of age, gravity not helping
For mini laughs
1. *Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:*
Guitar, For Sale... Cheap... No Strings Attached.
2. *Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:*
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight... One Lung At A Time!
3. *On A Bulletin Board:*
Success Is Relative. The More The Success, The More The Relatives.
4. *When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...*
I Gave Up Reading.
5. *My Grandfather Is Eighty & Still Doesn't Need Glasses...* He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.
6. *You know your kids have Grown Up When:*
Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick..
Or When Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.
7. *Sign In A Bar:* 'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Do Pay In Advance.'
8. *Sign In Driving School:* If Your Wife Wants To Learn Driving, Don't Stand In Her Way....
9. *Behind every Great Man...* There’s a Surprised Woman.
10. *The Reason Men Lie Is Because...* Women Ask Too Many Questions...
11. *Laugh And The World Laughs With You..* Snore & You Sleep Alone.
12. *The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe...* Is The Fact That It’s Never Tried To Contact Us.
13. *Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit:* We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business..
14. *Sign In A Restaurant:* All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.
At least they have one thing in common.. hair style?
Trump dismisses Tillerson and names Pompeo
Theresa and Putin, with deadly chemical agent used on ex KGB agent
Why British Teachers retire early or take to drink.....
The following questions were in a UK grade 12 equivalent examination-- (Purportedly genuine answers).
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head.
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
(Shoot yourself now, there is little hope.)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.
(Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the 5 bowels... A, E, I, O, U
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section.'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome .
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I conked out.)
Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
No wonder Britain Brexited !!
MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN WON'T BE EASY
The biggest problem is.......... they Vote !!!
Make your day whilst at it
Separate names with a comma.